If you aren't sold on the traditional practice of giving your baby their father's surname, and if hyphenating your child's last name feels daunting, rest easy knowing that there's a creative alternative for you.
As families evolve, so does the practice of giving your baby a last name. Mothers are keeping their maiden names, husbands are taking their wives' names, same-sex partners are taking each others' names or making up a new one, and some couples are opting out of marriage altogether.
Fortunately, there's a solution to almost every baby-naming problem, and giving your baby a hyphenated name is only one option of many. We've listed several crowd-pleasing alternatives here, along with the pros and cons of each and thoughts from other BabyCenter parents.
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Baby gets the dad's/partner's name
Pros: The default choice in the United States is to give your child the last name of their father. This tradition is practiced by parents in a variety of situations – including heterosexual couples, same-sex couples, couples who adopt, and couples who choose not to marry. In general, this old-school method of giving a baby a last name is easy and agreeable, regardless of whether the mother changes her name or not.
"It was very important to my husband to share a name with our kids, but I really didn't care," says Kerri Patrick, mother of two. "So this was a way to give him a gift without betraying my wish to keep my own name."
This can also work well for same-sex marriages: "I'm married and took my wife's last name just for the sake of both of us having the same last name as our eventual kids," one BabyCenter parent says. "I don't need to give anyone more reason to question or speculate who the 'real' mom is."
Cons: Some moms who bear a different last name from their child and partner might occasionally feel left out. They also get annoyed by the expectation that they explain why their name is different from her child's name.
"I grew up with my dad's last name while my mom had primary custody, and it made some things kind of awkward," a BabyCenter parent shares. "People always called my mom the wrong name and she had to explain who she was more than if she had the same name."
Having different last names in one family can also cause logistical snafus, especially when traveling.
"The only time my different last name causes problems is when I fly alone with the kids, though this is easily solved by bringing their birth certificates," says one BabyCenter mom.
Baby gets the birth mom's name
Pros: Women who are proud of their last name may want to pass that lineage along to their child. In some cases, the mom's last name just sounds better together with the child's given name. All of these are perfectly valid reasons to give your baby their mother's surname.
"Our baby will be taking my wife's last name," says one expecting BabyCenter dad. "I'm Caucasian and she's Korean, and it makes sense to us for our child to have a Korean last name so that she can more easily connect with her Korean identity."
"I'm happily married, and didn't change my last name," a BabyCenter mom says. "Our daughter has my last name only. We weren't fans of combining to make a new last name or a double or hyphenated name, so it came down to picking just one name to use for us. We're happy with our choice."
Another common reason for using the mother's last name is to avoid regret if the relationship goes wrong.
"I was with my kids' father when I had my first two and never thought we'd split. I gave them his name and regret it. He doesn't even see them now and I wish I'd have given them mine."
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Cons: There's a double standard to this untraditional baby naming choice. Giving your baby the maternal surname is an open invitation for people to ask you to explain why, even though men are never asked why their child has their name. In some cases, if a baby gets the mom's last name, in-laws may complain that their family name isn't being passed on. You can't please everyone.
"My husband was fine with giving our kids my surname," a BabyCenter mom shares. "My parents-in-law were a different story. They couldn't and wouldn't accept that their lineage wasn't being passed down through their grandkids. It caused a real riff in our relationship."
It's also possible that fathers, just like mothers who don't share a name with their kids, may feel left out when they don't share their family's last name.
Give your baby two last names (hyphenated or not)
Pros: Some families decide to give their child both parents' last names, separated by a hyphen. If you're allergic to hyphens but still want to use both names, you can skip the hyphen.
This is the norm in many Spanish-speaking countries, where kids get one last name from each parent. This solution is a sensible compromise for any couple who just can't agree on a last name.
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"As a same-sex couple, we thought it was important for our daughter to have both our names, so her last name is hyphenated," says one BabyCenter mom. "It represents to our families and the rest of the world that we're all connected."
Cons: The biggest disadvantage of this option is the unwieldy length of these double-barreled names. Obviously, some names lend themselves better to hyphenation than others. If you already have a hyphenated last name, good luck with that.
"I had a hyphenated last name from birth," a BabyCenter parent shares. "I hated it growing up. I really wished my mom had done either-or because it was a nightmare for me, especially in school."
Lastly, hyphenated last names can lead to administrative hassles.
"A lot of places would automatically file my records under the last name of whichever parent I was with at the time. So when I'd go in for an appointment somewhere, I had to give three different last names to look under," says another BabyCenter mom who grew up with a hyphenated name.
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Give each baby an alternating last name
Pros: If you plan to have more than one child, you and your partner can each have a child who bears your surname. Despite potential bureaucratic hassles, this is one creative way to prevent either parent from feeling left out.
"Our son carries his father's last name while our daughter carries my last name," explains one mom.
Cons: Siblings may end up wishing they shared a last name and resent having to explain why their brother or sister has a different family name.
This can create logistical hassles, too, like with other situations where a parent doesn't share the same last name as their child.
Use the extra surname as a middle name or given name
Pros: It's not unusual for parents to give the unused surname – often the mom's – to their baby as a middle name. That way both parents get to see their names carried into the future with their child.
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"I didn't change my name when we got married, so baby's name will be Given Name/My Surname/His Surname," a BabyCenter mom shares. "My surname will be used as a middle name rather than hyphenated."
Another variation of this creative workaround, if the name fits, is to use one parent's last name as a given name. The trend of unusual and unisex baby names makes this solution a bit more user-friendly regardless of gender.
"My maiden name is Campbell," says a BabyCenter mom. "We gave it to our only daughter as a given name, since her last name will be her father's and I took his name too."
Cons: This may feel like an unfair compromise for some. Middle and given names aren't given as much weight and importance as last name. And, this only works if one parent takes the partner's name. If your child's first name is your last name, things could get confusing.
Make up a new name
Pros: Creating an entirely new name by combining both parents' last names, or simply making something up, is a solution that pushes back against cultural norms. It's also a great way to get around hyphens, yet honor both parents. It allows for more creativity to baby naming if parents create a surname with special meaning.
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Some parents make up a new name simply because they don't like either of their surnames. Parents can change their own names to this name as well so the whole family shares the new name.
"A good friend of mine got married, then combined his name, Johnson, and her name, Brown, to make Bronson. I thought it was clever," one BabyCenter parent shares.
Cons: One valid problem with this method is the potential loss of connection to the history or identity that's carried in a family name. Another more practical disadvantage lies in the potential bureaucratic headaches due to your child having a last name that's similar to, but slightly different from, both parents. Be ready to offer explanations and provide extra documentation.
"It has made some things complicated," says a BabyCenter mom who chose a new last name for her child. "Insurance companies are the worst, but it has also been an issue with doctor's offices and school enrollments."
You could avoid problems by having the whole family share a new, merged last name. But there's the hassle of both parents changing their last name, plus the potential dissatisfaction of both sets of grandparents.
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There's no right way to choose a last name for your baby. Finding the best solution for you and your family can be a challenge but it can also be fun. Weighing the pros and cons will help you get there.
Learn more:
- Baby name inspiration and ideas
- How to choose your baby's middle name
- When you can't agree on a baby name